Soda. Mine is soda.
Today I read a post from Tholakele Antamu about how many of us are ‘depending’ on all sorts of things to keep us together. I don’t know what yours is; what you’re doing to be above all this internal and external chaos. I do know mine isn’t wine, although I have been harboring a lot of wine thoughts lately. It isn’t coffee either; I am not that crazy about the black substance that keeps human beings awake. I am only now realizing how much I have depended on soda to get by these few months.
This is my truth. I am not drinking soda casually anymore. I am drinking to survive. I am drinking to somehow be above the stress. All this tiredness. This wooziness. This monotony. I am drinking it with so much need.
I am addicted to it. I crave it. And the craving is even worse after I have had an afternoon nap. I hate afternoon naps, especially if it goes past 4pm because I wake up feeling sick and cranky like I feel right now.
Growing up, my mom always woke us up before 4pm when we napped in the afternoons. She would say, “Napping after 4pm will make you sick.” I don’t know how true this is. But I know for sure my body doesn’t feel good if I nap past that time.
“Many, actually most, of us are taking something or another to cope, be it wine, sleeping pills, coffee, or any other substance.”
All I could think of while reading Tholakele’s post was the ‘life’ sitting next to me (yes, right next to me), and how I was going to indulge in its fizzy goodness.
“We are all suffering in some way or another.”
Yes. But soda makes my suffering BEARABLE. I feel okay after I have had soda. I feel good to go.
“Why are we doing it to ourselves?”
Why am I doing this to myself? I don’t know. All I know is I am trying to survive. I need to get things done, and I cannot do them when all this sloppiness is getting in my way.
“Are we not the people who shape a society?”
I obviously cannot shape any kind of society if I’m not in good shape myself now can I?!
Deep down I feel guilty for how sweet it tastes. For how it soothes my throat and calms my stomach. I feel guilty for the relief it brings. For the new strength. I feel guilty because maybe I am not taking good care of my body. I mean with the calories and sugar bill attached?!
But how else do good things happen if not with some form of addiction, a craving, habit, compulsion? How else can we get all these…‘things’…inside to come out?!