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When I Started to believe I wasn’t my all…

When I started to believe I wasn’t my all,

I was 13.

I had just turned the age where I ‘had’ to fit in;

be like everyone, act the code

blend in and not stand out

be memorable for being part of, and not the whole I was.

 

When I started to believe I wasn’t my all,

I thought losing out would be unpardonable

I thought of joining, being collected,

Fitting in, being tamed

Like those…

 

So I searched for myself where I wasn’t

and placed me into little boxes

where others had already put me

That skinny,

that colored girl,

that weird one.


I began to think I was all

that I could ever be.

All the labels, all the tags, all the names,

everything I was worth

was what they said me to be.

 

When I started to believe I wasn’t my all

I found much consolation in being a man’s girl

being kissed on the lips deep,

and gone into, deep!

Then made a nude parcel

delivered by my father’s fence wall at 1:15am

 

When I started to believe I wasn’t my all,

I was 23

Turning 24

Still unhappy

and pregnant.

 

Then I realized that being everything was not as important

as being myself

and that what I sought after;

what I thought I needed to be complete,

I already had.

 

When I started to believe I was my all,

I suddenly knew

I could be everything.

That I was everything already.

Too complete to feel empty.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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